Can You Hear Me Lord (original written in 1996 while still fighting my drug and alcohol addictions)

Can You hear me Lord?
I’m a drunkard and a druggie.
By now You know You can’t trust me.
I can see where I’m headed.
Still I’m lost and stranded.

I’m down on my knees, asking You please.
Grant me a little serenity.
Without You it’s too hard.
Facing this reality.

Can You hear me Lord?
Just me here alone,
In this field of stone.
Knowing if I keep going,
I’ll be sleeping here before long.
Yet I wonder where I belong.

I’m down on my knees, asking You please.
Can You spare a shot of courage?
Or an ounce of understanding?
Grant me a little serenity.
Without You it’s just too hard,
Living this reality.


Can You hear me Lord?
I believe in Your grace,
Guide me to a place,
I can see Your face,
Hear Your words of wisdom.
I’m down on my knees, begging You please,
Save me from this insanity.

Copyrights 3/27/96 rewritten 12/27/2010

Storms

When storms come and they will come, what do we do? Do we curl up in a ball and hide under the covers, expecting the boogieman will not find us? Withdrawal into a blubbering pile of rubbish, letting ourselves go until our own mother would not recognize us, no this is not acceptable for a man. We tuck our head, drop our should, and bull our way through come what may. Yet is this always the right way? As Christians sometimes we cry out why God why, as if He promised we would never suffer once we begin to follow Him. Though He does no such thing, in fact He teaches us to expect it; John 15:20 “Since they persecuted me, naturally they will persecute you” (NLT). So why does it take us by such surprise, and why do we allow it power in our lives?

Often through many trials and much pain, I have done this, even to the brink of death. I never expected to live beyond the age of 25, in fact had not planned on it. I never really thought much of life after, or my purpose in it. Never the less I have, and as time has passed, found myself asking why in many things. I mean come on, there is so much pain in the world, even the best Christian will at times wonder how can this be. Was this truly Gods design? Absolutely not, the pain of this world is a direct result of the selfishness of those before us. The answer is in faith, the promises of God, and release of the pain to God. Yet this is not something that comes easy to everyone.

Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see (Heb 11:1, NLT). Hope, is to have a wish to get or do something, for something to happen or be true, especially something that seems possible or likely. At times of great struggle we must not question why in the sense of why us, but in the sense of what was done to cause such. Most times, we are our own worst enemy and bring pain upon ourselves. Still that does not explain the pain in the world, but it is by faith and understanding of God we learn pain was caused by selfish intents. This is what all pain eventually boils down too, and releasing pain to God is the only true weapon we have for this. Otherwise, we begin to question and blame God for the pain that He has not caused. In release of pain to Him, we can take the focus off ourselves and place it upon others, becoming the answer to pain. In so doing, we become more like Christ serving others before ourselves, and learning to rejoice in our own pain.

What, that is crazy right? Not at all, when we center ourselves on Christ and serve others who suffer, we share His love. Doing this not only teaches us what we must learn in our pain, but also gives us a different perspective of the pain and need of others, and our pain does not look quite as bad. When we can accept in faith that our pain is for our purpose, to better us, to learn and become more like Christ, rejoicing in pain is the only answer. When we can do that and release our pain to Him for that purpose, we gain victory over pain by His power and love. We come out of the darkness faster and move on to the next lesson. At times, it may feel as if we go from one trail to another, and we may. All things are connected through God, and He can see today what we must learn, to help another tomorrow. Still this is not something to lose heart over for there is an answer for this as well. This again comes back to release and faith. By looking for the blessings even in our pain, we soon discover and see clear, what glory God has placed upon us by simply accepting this pain in the love it is intended. No the questions we must ask is not why, but what. What I must learn from this? What blessings am I not seeing? What must I do to serve Him through the storm? In doing this we can brace ourselves against the strongest of storms in the shelter of His loving hands.

Between The Lines, I Cannot Hide

A story told
Not what we say, what we hear
Our lives we live, a moment in time
You look at me, You see inside
Between the lines, I cannot hide

Lord lift me high, I cannot hide
In filth I lie, You hear my cry
In faith I am healed, by blood I am steal
In faith I live, in doubt I die
Lord lift me high I cannot hide

Masks we wear, everyday in fear
Will they know, can they see
By your life, I am free
You look at me, You see inside
Between the lines, I cannot hide

Lord lift me high, I cannot hide
In filth I lie, You hear my cry
In faith I am healed, by blood I am steal
In faith I live, in doubt I die
Lord lift me high I cannot hide

Words of Wisdom

"A careful man I must always be, a little fellow follows me.
A little fellow follows me, I dare not go astray,
For fear he'll go the self-same way.
I cannot once escape his eyes,
Whatever he see me do, he tries.
Like me, he says, he's going to be,
The little chap who follows me.
He thinks that I am good and fine,
Believes in every word of mine.
The base in me he must not see,
That little fellow who follows me.
I must remember as I go, Thru summers' sun and winters' snow.
I am building for the years to be,
In the little chap who follows me." ~ Author Unknown.

Personal Observations

The Six Most Important Things I Must do in the Morning
Before I Leave the House.

• Pray thanking God for my blessings
• Pray for others
• Pray for understanding (Read and study Scripture)
• Pray worshiping God
• Pray for my needs and thank Him for meeting them
• Pray for His filling, compassion, strength and guidance

The richness of life

     This evening was spent in the company of men and women at my church having fellowship and sharing life. This is not any ordinary fellowship time at church. The program is called "Celebrate Recovery." It is a Christ centered 12 step program based upon 8 principles from the Bible. This is not just recovery from addictions or habits, but recovery of our love, faith and relationship with God. It does not matter what reason you are there, but simply there because you want to come closer to God. An understanding that because of hurts, habits or hung ups in our lives we keep ourselves from doing so. We all have our burdens to carry, we can all be our own worst enemy.
     Christ has by His sacrifice given us healing from them, by simply bringing them to the cross and leaving them at His feet in faith. So, this is a faith based ministry! Yet, no one is turned away, even if you are not sure of God, the love shared there is Christ like, and we all are sinners in need of Gods love. No, it does not matter if you are there for a drug addiction, alcohol, porn, anger problems, control issues, codependency, abandonment issues, or lonesome in need of a connection. It is for anyone who has something in their life that comes between them and God. I have been in this church now for 10 years. Celebrate Recovery is now two years old in our ministry and growing.
     As I sit tonight laughing and sharing a meal, with my fellow brothers and sisters. I was overwhelmed once again with the richness of my life, despite the pain sprinkled through out. I may not now or ever have to much money or wealth to speak of. That is not why I now pursue the education I now seek, I would work for free to share one moment of this happiness with another. No, I am truly rich beyond anything I could have ever imagined. Blessings to all!

To begin with

     I grew up learning to love reading from an early age. I would spend hours lost in the world of cowboys, Indians, bandits and heroes. My dad passing down his love for author Louis L'Amour. His talents took me to places so vivid in my mind, I could actually smell the leather of a saddle, or mountain range on a wet day. I could hear the hoof falls of the horses and the screams of those in agony. I went on to read the entire set of encyclopedia Britannica, and the Dictionary though I did not retain as much as I wanted. This did however, stir a desire to dig deeper, to learn more about my world, and my inner self in particular.


     After moving to a new town in my senior year of high school. I met a teacher who would change my life and give me a love for writing. In her creative writing class, someone looked at me as if I may actually have something to contribute to this world. She encouraged my writing, and even helped me get involved with the “Savannah Reporter,” a local paper in the area. I spent many hours writing and arranging the layout for the paper. Though I have never went on to write as a professional, I have continued to write for my own enjoyment. I have written hundreds of songs and poems, though most of them do not make it to a keeper file. This skill has also helped me in creating my resume, cover letter, and mission statement for the job market.

     In 2006, while going through life changing experiences, I discovered I have a gift for sharing Gods Word and listening to others as they pour their hearts out. Hopefully, and prayerfully I have begun to pursue an education in Psychology, so that I may become a counselor and help those who hurt from life experiences. This has forced me to again, look inside myself and to God, at my own life experiences, and answer questions that have plagued me for years. I have also become a member on the Yahoo answer and questions board, answering questions from traveling, to questions about God. There are many topics one can go into and discover more about the world, religions, and everyday life. It has become a great pleasure for me to share Christ with others in this format. Anyone who would like to view my questions and answers can do so by becoming one of my contacts on yahoo.