Spiritual Inventory

Hay everyone, it has been quite some time since I have posted anything here. I took on to much last year and fell behind, so I had to spend a semester getting caught up to keep my GPA up in preparation of graduate school. Now I am taking the summer off from school, to pursue some necessary designated time, with God, and my new family, whom I am marrying into next month. One of the things I wanted to accomplish this summer was taking my spiritual and moral inventory. It is one of the steps we take in Celebrate Recovery, but it is something that all of us should do from time to time. Not only can it open our heart and mind to issues we need to address in our soul, but it allows us to come closer to God, and if necessary correct things going on inside of us so we may be right with God. I have actually been putting this off for over a year now, partly because of my time constraints with all I had going on, but mostly because I really did not want to address the issues in disagreement with my life, mind, and soul. A spiritual inventory can be a great deal of work, especially if you have things going on inside that have buried for many years, and in order to confront them and eradicate them from your life, you must allow the pain to be experienced again. None of us wants to experience the pain that caused us to burry those issues in the first place. A spiritual inventory should never be done alone; one must commune with God in order to understand the truths that may be between you and God truths that may be keeping you from the full blessings of God. We also need someone whom we can sit down with after, and talk through things, so that what we have is not our private interpretation of what God has shown us, but an open and sober perspective, so that what we have discovered we can be assured is Biblical and from God. After spending the day in commune with God through prayer and fearless self-searching, I have concluded that freedom and bondage were the two keys God wanted to share with me, though I did not see it at the time. Having written down several verses from God’s word and personal thoughts, I tabled it all until the next day when I could sit down with my friend and sponsor Ronnie. Over coffee, the next morning we began to discuss, the verses reveled to me and it was then the keys stood out for me to see. Once those were clear Ronnie helped me gain perspective on the doors to which they fit. Still using those keys and opening the door to painful memories of shame, abuse and other issues I must confront, is another thing all together. Nevertheless, confront them I must eventually do, if I want to open my heart to the leading of the Holy Spirit, and be healed. Once God shows you something that must be dealt with, you have one of two options. You can confront them and deal with them under the protection and strength of Christ, or you can ignore them. Which is never a good idea, because it has been my experience that if you ignore what God is trying to teach or tell you, God will use other means to heal His child, even if it means more pain to achieve the end result. Since pain is an inevitable result to healing (kind of like ripping off a Band-Aid, it can be ripped off fast or slow), I would much rather do it under the protection of Christ. Either way you must learn to rely upon Christ in faith to get you through it. Having faith that Christ will see you through and heal you from the pain, is much easier when it is a voluntary thing, than when you have no choice and can only take your next breath with the faith of a lion. I do not always have the faith of a lion, and can easily relate to Elijah under the broom tree (1 Kings 19:4), so the last thing I want is the Lord having to force a confrontation instead of facing it head on. That said, about a week after my inventory God began to put upon my heart how I am to write, in order to confront these issues and address the bondage I currently live in. This has come as no real surprise, since I am a writer and find that avenue the best way to express my feelings and myself. My writing process is not a forced process, and though I can sit down and force myself to write, I do not often like the end result. Probably because, I hate to write that way, and procrastinate until due date, and I am faced with a do or die situation. Since my process is one of inspiration, that is I write when I am hit with an inspiration to do so, or when an idea starts and I just cannot seem to stop writing until it is all out of me. I have gotten to the point I do not question what I am writing or where it comes from until the editing process. While listening to the teaching of my Pastor one Friday night, the Lord began to lay questions or statements on my heart. After sitting down to look them over I began to see titles, whether titles to chapters or simply blogs of inspiration I do not know, but I will begin the process of exploration and write what is upon my heart then post them here. If they turn out to be more than just a blog post, cool. The main point of putting them here is a way for me to pour out my heart and heal with anticipation what I share will be beneficial to another. So, look for my new posts to come, join me on this journey, and with any luck you will like what you read. Many blessings and I pray all of you are having a peaceful memorial day. Clifford